The 'Kill Rock Stars' Tour comes to Prozacville

[Soundtrack]

I've always tried to wonder how it must feel to be real

[Soundtrack]

With a nod to Lao Tsu and a please-buy-me-one-of-these-for-Christmas surreptitious head-tilt at the Travel Honeypot(supposedly very good for 'gratuitous winking'; I'm all for gratuitousness in the winking-stakes).

Hey you! You’re losing, you’re losing, you’re losing, you’re losing your vitamin C

[Soundtrack]

Though everything changes around us, we will be the same as before

[Soundtrack- feel-good 'multiculturalism', circa 1993.]

I'm glad that I'm so lucky to make you feel yucky everyday

[Soundtrack]

Answers: 1) Surprise

2) Despair

3) Shame

4) Joy

YOUR SCORE:

4/4: Well done. You're an incredibly perceptive, 'tuned-in' soul. Click here, you lovely person you in order to revel in your general loveliness.

3/4: One wrong. Bet you feel shit about that. Go straight to the fridge and binge.

2/4: Borderline Asperger's, buddy. No friends? Now you know why!

1/4: OK, how to put this delicately...you're fucked.

0: See 1/4.

For those of you who scored low on the Prozacville Asperger's Syndrome Test, you might want to invest in this book to help you distinguish between the multifarious emotions you might occasionally see imprinted on the faces of your fellow human beings. You can learn fascinating facts like the following:

-Low spirits, anxiety, grief, dejection and despair are shown by a furrowed forehead, drawn-in eyebrows and depression of the corners of the mouth.

-Hatred and anger are seen by sneering and baring of the teeth.

-Surprise, astonishment, fear and horror can sometimes be shown through an open mouth, protrusion of the lips, wide eyes and raising of the eyebrows.

(You can also read it online with groovy pictures.)

I notice patterns in things all the time

I think this has something to do with Panksepp's notion that we all possess seven genetically ingrained emotional circuits in our subcortices: rage, fear, panic/separation, distress, maternal/paternal behaviours, seeking, social bonding and play. The first three are what he calls 'emergency circuits' and if triggered stop the other four from working.

I've also been thinking recently about aspergers/autism which I think Pa might have just a touch of. Worried about my own genes being infected, I did the Baron-Cohen Autism test and scored worryingly high. This does not bode well for someone who has intentions to become a psychotherapist (therapy is all about empathy, empathy, empathy, and not much about displaying almost no emotional reciprocity whatsoever, that is unless you're a psychoanalyst).

Recent experiences though have verified that I'm quasi-'normal'. Why just the other day, I found myself bursting into tears and collapsing after seeing a horse being whipped in the street. Hang on, that was Nietzche.

Fuck it, let's just dance.

Pretend that you're alone now (some of us don't even have to pretend)

Well there go my indie-rock credentials.

Of all the shamefaced confessions I have made on this blog, this is probably the hardest to reveal.

OK, here goes. Deep breath: I am (gulp) very, very, VERY much into the new Keane album.

I downloaded it out of idle curiosity to see how the boys were planning to combine their usual chocolate-box tunes to 80s production values and have kinda fallen in love with the whole concept.

The first single ain't too bad ("I dreamed I was drowning, in the river Thames/I dreamed I had nothing at all, nothing but my own skin") but my current favourite is the über-cheesy, slightly tinny, it-shouldn't-work-but-it-just-does 'Pretend That You're Alone Now'. Enjoy.

[As for striking-poses-with-hairbrush-in-nothing-but-my-gatkes, I have learnt a great deal from this fella.]